“Why aren’t you married yet?”

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The single most irritating/pain in my derrière question I get all of the time when approached by people who think I’m “too” anything to be single. The question always follows with a statement suggesting that I’m “too beautiful”, “too intelligent”, or “too etc” to not have a ring “blinging” on my finger! Every time my alter ego hears this question; she rolls her eyes, puts her hands on her hips, smacks her lips, flips the bird, screams something about feminism and how “women don’t need men to validate their existence!” and sashays off with her head held high hoping to find someone else who’s worthy of her time and conversation! Meanwhile, I’m still standing there explaining my reasoning for being single and how I am definitely not killing myself (hypothetically speaking), because of it.

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It seems like it’s almost a requirement of womanhood to be married by your early or late 20s. More than likely, if you are beautiful, educated, successful and have a lot going for yourself, then you are branded “wifey material.” But, unfortunately, if you are “wifey material” and isn’t yet a “wifey” by your mid to late 20s, then there certainly has to be something wrong with you, right? If I could get a dollar from every man who’s tried to holler, and has asked me, “Why don’t you have a husband? What’s wrong with you?” I’d be rich! Then, to add insult to injury, if you are “too” anything negative then you are definitely not “wifey material”. This can mean being: “too loud, too independent, too selfish, too confident or too loose”, for example. However, with the Millennial society today and the role social media plays on people’s perceptions, the phrase “wifey material” finds itself being described with many different meanings by different people.

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I had a chance to ask some of my peers (women) who are single, divorced, or engaged; what does this phrase mean to them and how do they, sort of, fit in with it. While my girl, Latrista (owner of Chic ‘Lamour Hair Care), who is also single, explained to me that “wifey material” is an undefined phrase for her, because she is still trying to figure out what marriage means to her or even if she still believes in it; my other colleagues Tasha (Instagram @justtash.0, engaged), and Aviance (blogger at: singleinpurpose.com, divorced) had other opinions. When asked the question, Aviance said that her first thought on the phrase “wifey material” is, “a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets!” However, Tasha’s perception on the phrase is, “how society groups women who are the “marrying type” versus those who are not.” I honestly have to say that I agree with all three! 

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I realize that at age 25, I still don’t know if I am ready to be someone’s “wifey.” So, first trying to understand how would I fit into or even if I am ready for that title is key. Also realizing that we do live in a superficial society where women are told that to be “wifey”, you must open your legs and submit to everything your husband wants from you, but also remember to not smile or sometimes even speak to another man in public, to be the Instagram model who is “#BaeGoals”, or to put up with his boyish/player ways before becoming “wifey”! Which pretty much brings me to the conclusion that, the phrase is sorely misused, unrealistic, and is starting to lose its meaning. 

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We are now in times where women are starting to take that title and flip it on its head. Women are realizing that its not about what society’s expectations of us are to be considered “wifey”, but how we see and value ourselves as “wifey material”, while finding the right man to see it too. “It is so important for women to understand that although you might not be the “wifey material” for one man, does not mean that you won’t be for the another”, Latrista says. Also, the phrase varies from “boys to boys and men to men” as Aviance puts it. Some women (a lot of women), fall into the trap of trying to be a carbon copy of that perfect woman for a man. They build themselves up to fit into his or society’s definition of what a wife should be: sugar, no spice and everything nice, only to realize that they forgot to throw a dash of who they truly are into the ingredients. A recipe for disaster!

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Simply put, as men mature, the characteristics that they want to see in their wives may change. Some men may want a woman who is a housewife while he’s the breadwinner. While other men may look for a millennial kind of woman, who is ambitious and who is also the breadwinner. Or some men may want their wives to be like their mothers, etc. Neither is wrong if those are what a specific man expects in a wife, but does that mean that the woman has to change herself or mold herself to be the epitome of “wifey material” for that man? NO!  

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As Tasha shared, “once I embraced all the parts about myself that made me, me, I was able to find someone who loves me uniquely. I was finally able to be someone’s “wifey type” by just being me.” It’s really that simple. Just be you and all else will follow! You have to realize your worth and value, and make sure that the man you allow to “put a ring on it” realizes those too and cherishes you! Don’t be so quick to jump into seasonal relationships and expect yearly dividends. Don’t allow social media to twist in your mind that you have to look like these superficial models to be considered “wifey material”. So if you are: “so beautiful, so intelligent, so sweet, so loyal, too loud, too ambitious, too confident, too loose, or whatever it is that people brand you as, no worries, someone will find you and love you for you! I always like to believe that there is somebody for everybody.

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Know who you are and own it! Love yourself unconditionally to where you’re not trying to fit that “temporary ideology” of what “wifey material is, as Aviance says. Be your own definition of what you think “wifey material” is, and make sure that you find someone who is “husband material” as well!

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It’s always a pleasure speaking to you all and I hope you enjoyed! Thank you to the women who contributed their two scents to the blog post, and thank you for reading! Comment below, like, subscribe and share!

Until next time,

SLAY STYLISH xOxO 💋

Style Deets: Duster, Bustier Bodysuit, Midi Skirt: Misguided/Perspex heels: Winsor Store

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